Myron’s Maxims – this weeks discovery

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I came across this concept last week – Myron’s Maxims – and thought I’d have a delve into it and do some thinking!

Myron Rogers is an expert in organisational development and systems thinking, known for his work in helping organisations manage change and complexity. He is particularly recognised for his application of systems theory to organisational leadership and change processes. He explores  the importance of understanding organisations as complex systems and looks at how change emerges from the interactions and relationships within systems.

He is best known for articulating Myron’s Maxims, a set of principles that guide organisational change and leadership but also tell us a lot about life – and for this article – social work! Here they are….

– People own what they help create

– Real change happens in real work

– Those who do the work, do the change

– Connect the system to more of itself

– Start anywhere, follow everywhere

– The process you use to get to the future is the future you get.

Let’s look at them….

People own what they help create

Here he emphasises the importance of participation and co-creation in achieving lasting change. This resonates for me in life and social work practice. We know co-creation of strategies for change or care planning lead to better outcomes for people and they engage better with self-created options. And we know that in life in general we do better when we do things with other people – or at least doing things with other people is an important component of our well-being. The other being time on our own!?

Real change happens in real work

This suggests that transformation comes from actual, hands-on practice, not from abstract plans. Christine, my wife, is always saying to me, ‘ok then – just do it!’. And she’s right I often procrastinate in the thinking stage. There comes a point where you have done enough thinking and know enough so you then must do something. That’s where the real change takes place. Eileen Munro made this same point in her review of children’s services – you need to figure out when you know enough and then actually do something. I’m not saying that’s easy, but it is essential.

Those who do the work, do the change

This reinforces the idea that people directly involved in the work are best positioned to create meaningful change. We can’t have someone else go to the gym for us. We must go. We can’t do the work for people we are working with. They must do the work. That’s the only way to make true change happen.

Connect the system to more of itself

You need to be focusing on leveraging existing networks and relationships within a system to foster change. The idea is that systems (whether an organisation, community, or even an individual’s life) are made up of interconnected elements. When you strengthen these connections, you enable better communication, collaboration, and shared understanding, which ultimately leads to more sustainable and effective outcomes. In social work, consider a case where a client is facing homelessness, unemployment, and mental health challenges. Instead of addressing each issue in isolation, the social worker connects the client to a network of services—housing support, employment counselling, mental health services, and peer support groups. By linking these different services (parts of the system) and encouraging them to collaborate, the client receives more comprehensive support. This holistic approach, which “connects the system to more of itself,” ensures that the various agencies don’t work in silos but come together to address the client’s needs in a coordinated and integrated manner, leading to better outcomes.

Start anywhere, follow everywhere

This maxim encourages a flexible approach to change, allowing it to emerge from any point within the system. Making a starts the hardest part I’m fond of saying but simply doing something creates momentum and motivation. And then follow where the momentum takes you. Consider a case where a family is referred to a social worker due to concerns about a child’s behaviour at school. The referral might initially focus on helping the child with behavioural interventions. However, as the social worker engages with the family, they might uncover other underlying issues—such as financial stress, parental conflict, or untreated mental health challenges in one of the parents. Rather than rigidly sticking to the initial issue (the child’s behaviour), the social worker “follows everywhere” by addressing the broader context, helping the family with financial resources, referring parents to counselling, and working with school staff to support the child holistically.

The process you use to get to the future is the future you get

This highlights the importance of the methods and processes used in shaping the desired outcome. You fall to the level of your systems rather than rise to the level of your goals. Systems, planning, and routine are everything. What you look for you see. Be careful what you look for and always have a system or plan.

Myron’s Maxims and Living a Good Life

Myron’s Maxims emphasise the importance of ownership, process, and interconnectedness, all of which are key to living a fulfilled and meaningful life. The principles acknowledging that people own what they help create and that real change happens in real work. They highlight the value of personal involvement in shaping your own path. A good life is not just about outcomes but also about the processes we engage in daily—the relationships we build, the systems we connect with, and the ways we contribute. The idea that the process you use to get to the future is the future you get underscores that living intentionally, fostering positive connections, and remaining flexible in adapting to life’s challenges are essential for achieving long-term satisfaction and purpose.

Myron’s Maxims in Social Work Practice

In social work, Myron’s Maxims align perfectly with empowering individuals and communities. People own what they help create speaks directly to participatory practice in social work, where service users are active partners in decision-making, helping them take ownership of their lives and outcomes. Real change happens in real work resonates with the importance of practical, hands-on interventions and ongoing reflection. The maxim those who do the work, do the change highlights that transformation in clients’ lives occurs when they are deeply involved in the process, rather than simply being passive recipients of support. Finally, connecting the system to more of itself and starting anywhere, following everywhere encourage social workers to view their interventions holistically, understanding the client as part of a wider system and recognising that change can begin from any point in a client’s journey. Ethical, collaborative, and systemic. Thanks Myron!

Professional Identity – defining the box.

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Professional identity in social work is complex and multifaceted, encompassing more than just desired traits or competence. It reflects not only the personal sense of self that a practitioner develops through experience and growth, but also a collective identity shared within the profession. This collective identity binds social workers together through common values, ethics, and professional expectations. The process of shaping this identity is ongoing and evolving as individuals navigate the challenges and responsibilities of the field. Given its depth and fluid nature, professional identity in social work is difficult to define, as it is more than simple characteristics and involves the integration of personal, professional, and societal dimensions.

This article looks at this through the lens of the Fran Wiles journal article from 2013 ‘Not Easily Put into a Box’: Constructing Professional Identity, which appeared in Social Work Education: The International Journal

Personal and professional identities differ in several key ways. Personal identity is shaped by an individual’s unique experiences, values, beliefs, and personality traits, which are influenced by factors such as family, culture, and personal history. It represents how a person sees themselves outside of formal roles and in various aspects of life, reflecting their sense of self, relationships, and personal goals.

In contrast, professional identity is the sense of self that is constructed within the context of a profession. It is shaped by the norms, values, ethics, and expectations of a particular field, in this case social work, and reflects how individuals view themselves in their professional role. Professional identity also involves adopting the standards, skills, and competencies necessary for success and credibility in the workplace.

While personal identity is rooted in individuality and personal history, professional identity is shaped by external structures and collective expectations. The two identities can overlap, especially in professions like social work, where personal values often align with professional ethics. However, they do remain distinct, with professional identity being more defined by the responsibilities and behaviours required in a work setting, while personal identity reflects your core self across various contexts – your whole life.

In social work practice, being part of the profession inherently brings an individual’s personal identity and behaviour under scrutiny. This is because social work operates within a framework of high ethical standards, values, and responsibilities that require practitioners to align both their personal and professional identities with the core principles of the field. Social workers are expected to embody qualities such as empathy, integrity, and social justice not only in their professional tasks but also in their personal conduct. This expectation places a spotlight on how personal beliefs, values, and actions intersect with professional responsibilities.

Given the nature of social work, where relationships, trust, and ethical decision-making are central, a social worker’s behaviour in both the personal and professional is continuously evaluated. How we manage our biases, boundaries, and emotional responses can significantly impact our effectiveness in practice. Social work practice often involves complex human interactions, where personal values may come into conflict with professional codes of ethics. In such instances, practitioners are expected to prioritise the values and standards of the profession, ensuring that their behaviour aligns with ethical guidelines.

Being a social worker means accepting that your actions, decisions, and even personal beliefs may be examined to ensure they do not compromise your role or the welfare of service users. This scrutiny underscores the need for ongoing reflection and self-awareness to navigate the complexities of integrating personal identity with professional expectations.

In the article Wiles states that their ‘analysis showed students constructing their professional identity in relation to desired traits, or through developing a sense of shared identity with other social workers; alternatively, it was portrayed as a process of individual development’.  Some main themes emerge.

Complexity of Professional Identity

Wiles emphasises that professional identity is not a fixed trait but a dynamic process that evolves throughout an individual’s career. It involves a combination of desired traits, collective identity within the profession, and personal development as a social worker.

Reflection and Identity Work

The article highlights the importance of reflection in the construction of professional identity. Wiles notes that social work students engage in identity work, particularly during their final stages of study, where they reflect on their professional development and prepare for practice.

Support Mechanisms for Development

Wiles suggests that social work educators should provide support mechanisms for students to continue developing their professional identities after qualification. This includes professional supervision, team collaboration, and opportunities for continuing professional development.

Cultural Understandings

Wiles explores how students’ conceptualisations of professional identity reflect broader cultural understandings within the social work community and society, showing that these identities are influenced by various social discourses.

It is evident then that developing a strong professional identity in social work requires cultivating several key traits. Adherence to professional standards, such as those outlined by Social Work England and the Professional Capabilities Framework, is fundamental to ensuring competent and ethical practice. A solid foundation of theoretical knowledge and expertise is essential, enabling social workers to make informed decisions and apply effective interventions. Additionally, a genuine commitment to serving others – maybe grounded in altruism – forms the ethical core of the profession, driving practitioners to prioritise the welfare of individuals and communities. Social workers also enjoy a high degree of autonomy, allowing them to exercise judgment and flexibility in their roles, while being guided by a code of ethics. The use of research and the ability to engage in critical thinking are vital, as they enable professionals to stay informed about best practices and continuously improve their skills.

A shared professional identity in social work is both collective and shaped by the specific settings and specialisms within the field. Social workers have a common professional foundation, but distinct identities can form around specialisms such as child protection, mental health, or adult services. These specialisms allow practitioners to develop expertise and tailor their approach to specific areas of practice while maintaining the core principles of social work. However, working within multidisciplinary teams can sometimes challenge or erode professional identity, as the distinct role of the social worker may become blurred when collaborating with other professionals.

Drawing on Goffman’s ideas of identity work, becoming a social work professional involves a significant transformation of one’s personal identity. Experiences from personal life are reshaped and reframed through education and professional training, as individuals learn to navigate the complexities of social work practice. A key component of this transformation is the “use of self,” where practitioners integrate their personal experiences and qualities with professional skills in a reflective and intentional manner. This process of becoming a social worker requires not only the mastery of theoretical knowledge and practical skills but also the internalisation of a professional identity that aligns with the values, ethics, and standards of the field. Goffman’s concept of identity work underscores the fluid and ongoing nature of this process, as social workers must continually balance their personal identity with the expectations of the profession. As a result, professional identity not only shapes how you perform in the role but also impacts how you view yourself personally. For students, this identity work is critical—they must evolve from learners to professionals by integrating knowledge and embodying the core principles of social work in their practice.

Students need reflective space to actively explore and rehearse their emerging professional identities as social workers. This reflective practice is essential for allowing them to integrate theoretical knowledge with real-world experiences, critically evaluate their actions, and align their personal values with the ethical standards of the profession. In these spaces, which are for the most part their practice placements, students can safely explore different approaches, receive feedback, and refine their understanding of their role within the social work field. Reflective space also helps students navigate the complexities of their identity work, as they process the emotional, intellectual, and ethical challenges they encounter. By engaging in regular reflection, they become more self-aware and better prepared to handle the nuanced demands of social work practice, ultimately shaping a stronger, more confident professional identity.

Biology’s Challenge to Social Work – Embodying the Person-in-Environment Perspective

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The Body’s Role in Social Work: Integrating the Person-in-Environment Perspective

Dennis Saleeby is a bit of a hero of mine. Particularly his writing about strengths based practice. Definitely worth checking out – and I love the article Biology’s Challenge to Social Work – Embodying the Person-in-Environment Perspective about the importance of the physical body to social work practice so I thought I’d share with you the key points he makes from my notes. In social work, where the aim is to understand and support the individual holistically, there is a lack of attention to the body’s role and this can be problematic. Our physical bodies are more than mere vessels—they are deeply intertwined with how we experience the world and engage in social relationships. Ignoring this aspect in social work practice misses an essential part of what it means to be human. I go further than this and say that our psychology is stacked on our biology and we then take this biology and internally created psychology into the social world to present ourselves and then have ourselves (our psychology and biology) altered by our experiences in a circular relationship. But it all starts and ends with our biology.

The Body as a Social Being

The human body is not just a biological entity; it’s embedded within the social and cultural fabric of our lives. Our physical presence is shaped by, and in turn shapes, the social contexts we find ourselves in. Our relationships, roles, and even our ability to function in institutions are influenced by how we inhabit and understand our bodies. As thinkers like Michael Gazzaniga and others have pointed out, how we exist in society depends greatly on the sense and capabilities of our body, whether we realise it or not.

Survival, both biological and social, are inextricably linked. The types of relationships we have, the ways in which institutions interact with individuals, and even the opportunities available to us often hinge on the condition and perception of our physical selves. Social workers, therefore, must consider the body as part of the broader social environment, not as something separate or secondary to the person’s social experiences.

Unlocking the Wisdom of the Body

Our bodies hold a deep, intuitive wisdom that, when tapped into, can foster healing, transformation, and personal growth. The body isn’t just a passive recipient of care—it actively participates in its own healing. This understanding mirrors ideas from holistic medicine, where a good physician recognises the healer within the patient, acknowledging the patient’s inherent capacity for self-recovery.

In social work, the concept of the body’s wisdom is valuable. When social workers build therapeutic relationships with clients, recognising the body’s role in this process can be profoundly transformative. Whether it’s through somatic practices, or simply acknowledging the physical experiences of trauma, stress, or resilience, social workers can work with clients to activate their own healing potential.

Mind, Body, and Environment: A Complex Relationship

The interaction between mind, body, and environment is dynamic and ongoing. In social work, this interconnectedness forms the basis of the person-in-environment perspective, which emphasises how individuals are shaped by their surroundings and vice versa. This idea resonates with the ecological or life model, which stresses the importance of “goodness of fit” between the person and their environment. The ability to adapt to changing external demands is not only a practical matter but also a moral imperative within this framework.

Adaptation is about more than just survival. It involves growth, development, and the successful navigation of life’s transitions. But adaptation is not just a mental process—it requires the body’s active participation, which we must acknowledge when supporting clients through challenges like illness, aging, or trauma.

Critiquing the Medical Model: Where It Falls Short

The traditional medical model tends to objectify the patient’s body and overlooks the personal knowledge and experiences of the individual. It reduces people to a collection of symptoms, stripping them of agency, autonomy, and responsibility. This model is problematic for us, where the goal is to empower clients rather than pathologise them.

Social workers understand that a person’s body and mind must be integrated, not treated as separate entities. Clients must be seen as more than their illnesses or deficits – the cornerstone of strengths based practice. Empowering clients involves recognising the strength and capacity within their own bodies, rather than assuming that only professionals hold the key to healing.

The Body as a Site of Struggle

Many clients we come into contact with in social work have experienced their bodies as a site of control and oppression, whether through institutional practices, societal ideologies, or interpersonal violence. This loss of control over their bodies can diminish their sense of self-worth, power, and capability. For instance, societal expectations about gender, age, or ethnicity often dictate how people should inhabit and experience their bodies, leaving many feeling disconnected from their physical selves.

For social workers, part of the healing process is helping clients reclaim their sense of agency over their bodies. This may involve confronting issues like body image, disability, or trauma, and helping clients re-establish a positive, empowered relationship with their physical selves.

Reconnecting Mind and Body in Social Work Practice

To fully support clients, social workers must recognise that the body holds significant restorative powers. Healing is not just about resolving psychological issues—it’s about engaging the whole person, including their physical body. Forming an alliance with clients that acknowledges the body’s role in this process can open up new avenues for growth and recovery. This requires a practice model that respects the body’s role in a person’s overall well-being.

This approach doesn’t mean treating the body like a medical object rather, it involves inviting clients to engage with their bodies in a way that fosters healing. Touch, physical presence, and bodily awareness—when used appropriately—can be powerful tools for affirmation, comfort, and emotional connection.

The Strength-Based Approach: Honouring the Body’s Resilience

Social work prides itself on being a strength-based profession, and this applies as much to the body as it does to the mind. The human body is a source of resilience, vitality, and strength. When social workers recognise the body’s potential, they can better support clients in tapping into these resources to navigate life’s challenges.

Whether dealing with illness, trauma, or everyday stress, helping clients understand and reconnect with their bodies can lead to more profound and lasting changes. This holistic approach not only helps clients heal but also enables them to experience the joy, freedom, and empowerment that comes from knowing and inhabiting their bodies fully.

In Conclusion: Embodying Wholeness in Social Work

Ultimately, social work is about fostering wholeness in the individual. This requires an integration of mind, body, and environment. By recognizing the body’s importance in this equation, social workers can deepen their practice, enhance the helping relationship, and more effectively empower their clients. The body is not merely a backdrop to social and psychological issues—it’s an active, dynamic part of the healing process, and when integrated into social work practice, it can open the door to greater transformation and growth.

If you want to read the whole article by Saleeby – here it is

1992 – Biology’s Challenge to Social Work Embodying the Person-in-Environment PerspectiveDownload

Common student questions answered

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As we come to the end of the academic year and another group of social work students are set to graduate, I’ve been thinking about common questions I’ve been asked over the years. Here are some of my responses.

Diary Management
Paper diary or electronic calendar? Which is best?
By far the best option is electronic. Let’s be honest how many of us don’t have a smartphone these days. If you’re using a paper diary and you put it down somewhere and forget you’ve lost it all, but most electronic calendars are stored in the cloud so you’ve got it wherever you are and you can’t lose it. Add to that functionally. You don’t get something done one day you just move it into the next day. I use the time slots on Google Calendar for time sensitive stuff and the daily entries for stuff I hope to get done in the gaps! Start getting used to diary management now and it will be much easier when you’re in practice.

What should I be looking for in a good diary?

Let’s talk paper diaries first if you want to go in that direction! I don’t think, as a student, you can get away with anything less than a page a day. You’re going to have a lot to keep track of assignments, tutorials and lectures, never mind your social life. ‘Page a day’ means you’ve got space for the things you’re doing and room to make quick to do lists for the day. Maybe even look for something that has a diary page and a note page facing each other. Personally, you can’t go past Molskine for quality and there are similar budget versions available. As for electronic calendars – accessibility is everything. You need something that’s useable on your desktop and on your phone. My personal favourite is Google Calendar.

What sort of things should I be putting in my diary?
Easy answer! Everything! Everything that is demanding your attention should have a diary entry. Most people just use their diary for things that have an actual time attached to them; lectures, seminars – that kind of thing. You should be putting everything else in your diary – allotted time to go to the library, time to draft your assignment, time to write your plan. That way you get a sense of everything you need to do, not just when your appointments are! And I’d suggest you diary longer than you think you’ll need. Invariably we underestimate how long things will take. And when you finish a task early you can start on another one!

Proof Reading
No matter how much I proofread I’m still missing things! Help?
You probably just need to slow down. It’s easy to miss stuff when you’ve written it because you know what it needs to say so you ‘see’ what should be there not what is there. It’s often the small words that cause the problems. ‘It’ and ‘is’ are easy to miss as are missing words. You brain is very clever and will ‘see’ the word even when it’s not there. I always feel that reading it out loud is a good tactic. This makes you actually say what’s there and it’s harder then to automatically fill in the missing bits and gaps. Do you struggle with punctuation? Again reading it out loud might help you figure out where the commas go as you will often naturally pause or take a breath where a comma should be. Reading out loud will also help you spot sentences that are simply too long… you’ll run out of breath!

What’s the best approach to proof reading?
Proof reading isn’t easy and you’ll often miss common errors as your brain fools you into seeing what’s not there. What’s the best option then? Get someone else to proof read it for you. It’s even better if they don’t know much about the subject matter as they can then tell you whether it makes sense to the casual reader. Other people will more easily spot errors, as they don’t know what’s coming so are actually focussed on reading it properly more than you will be when it’s your own work. If you have to proof read yourself slow down or read it out loud.

Time Management
I keep running out of time for everything. What’s going wrong?
You’re probably not planning effectively. People who write about productivity say that you can’t plan and do at the same time. So plan then do! Start your week planning what you need to achieve this week (or even better end the previous week planning the following week) and start each day with considering what you need to achieve that day. Every so often look ahead a month and work backwards from things you need to achieve putting all of the steps into your diary. This is based on the old adage “how do you eat and elephant”? The answer… one bite at a time. When you have big tasks to complete, like an assignment, break it down into achievable steps. For example, “go to the library to get books”, “read the books”, “collate notes”, “write assignment plan”….you see how it goes. And put all of these things in your dairy. This will help you hit the end goal.

How do I manage my time to meet deadlines?
The first thing to do is to set yourself a deadline that is before the actual deadline. That way if you do hit a problem you’ve got built in capacity to give yourself that little more time. This reduces your stress response to the situation. When you are stressed you are less productive – so you need to avoid that. Break the task down into smaller steps and put these in your dairy. Always give yourself more time than you think you’ll need. As humans we have a tendency to overestimate the time small tasks take so we put them off, and underestimate big tasks so always end up running out of time. Apply the two minute rule for small tasks. If it’s going to take less than two minutes just get on and do it. If you need to diary it for later diary up to 50% more time than you think you need.

What’s the best strategy to make the best use of my weekends!?
Plan! And not just your academic or work stuff but also your household and social stuff. There’s sound evidence that if you plan something and put it your calendar you are more likely to do it. If you get up on a Saturday morning without a plan I guarantee you’ll get to Saturday afternoon having achieved nothing. Focus on your home and social life in the same way as you would your study or work life. Make sure there’s something in there for you. You can’t work and study all of the time. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy – as the saying goes.

Effective communication
Should my emails to my tutor be formal or informal?
I would generally err on the side of formal. Also, make sure the email is useful and clearly sets out what you are after. Don’t just email and say, “can I have a tutorial please”. Email and say “Can I have a tutorial please to look at the assignment that’s due in on 17th December. It would be useful to meet next week and I’m available on…….” With all of that information one email back from the tutor might be enough rather than it taking lots of emails. Your tutor will be busy so anything you can do to help with your request will improve the chances of a helpful response. Start ‘Hello Stephen” and end ‘Thanks Debbie Jones, First Year BA”. This is really helpful as if your course is big the tutor may not know who just ‘Debbie’ is and may well teach into more than one programme. Let clarity be your watchword!

What are the most important things when it comes to communication?
Well, that depends on the communication activity. If we are talking about in writing then brevity and clarity are important. When emailing in a professional context, to your tutor for example, they will have a lot of emails to get through. My guess is they will read the first line or two and then if it’s a long email just scan to the end. So, put the important stuff at the start, but also keep it short, as that will mean there’s more chance of the recipient actually reading to the end! Sometimes if I’m asking for support from someone and I’m not sure if they will have the time to read a lot I give them a brief outline and suggest that I can give them more detail if they feel we can progress things. In face-to-face communication body language is important. Various pieces of research say that it’s the primary way we communicate. So how you present yourself is just as important as what you say. Make time for the face-to-face communication so that you are not distracted. Maybe think through in advance what you want to say so you get the words right and get the tone right.

How to I communicate effectively in emails?
You need to make the email effective for the person on the other end. Be clear about what you are after and offer a solution or a range of options to the person you are sending it to. If you want to meet, tell them what you want to meet about and what timescale you want to work to. Tell people the dates you are available. If you want a response to something from the person that’s time sensitive for you then tell the person when you need a response by. Personally I’d tell them a date a couple of days before you actually need it to account for slippage. Be clear and succinct. No waffle! People get hundreds of emails and often don’t read all the way to the bottom of long emails.

Working in groups
When we work in a group at university one person always dominates. What can I do about it?
I’m assuming you’ve been given a task like a presentation to prepare and deliver as a group. Group work is not easy as personalities are powerful things! I would formulate the group in a formal way with someone acting as Chair who facilitates the group. They are not in charge they just steer things. I’d also have someone taking notes so you know what has been agreed. People who dominate often just want their view validated so it’s helpful to listen and acknowledge what’s been said positively then ask the others to contribute. If it gets difficult start the meeting by saying we’ll go around the group and feedback where we are up to. Or, we’ll go around the group and make suggestions before deciding. This is also a useful tactic for including quiet members.


When we work in groups one person never pulls their weight. What can I do about it?
You can try and tackle this yourself by discussing it with the person but I suspect you’ve already done that! I would alert the module leader of your concerns in a timely fashion. It’s not much use telling the module leader just before you need to present whatever the group have been doing. When working in the group take notes with clear timescales identified. Even if the person not pulling their weight isn’t there identify tasks for them and email the notes and tasks. Ask them to respond to say they’ve got the email. Keep including them because if the module leader is to do anything they will need evidence that you’ve tried to include the person. If the work you are preparing is to be graded as a group you may have to just ‘bite the bullet’ while the module leader deals with the situation, as you don’t want to compromise the group mark.


Struggling academically
How do I make the best use of my tutor?
Make sure you take up all of the tutorials you are entitled to. Prepare for them. Your university will probably have tutor guidance telling you what you can expect from your tutor, so, within those parameters figure out what you might want to ask for guidance on. Always have something to ask so that you engage the tutor or they may think you are not interested and draw the tutorial to a close. If the tutorial is about something specific, like an assignment, then again the important thing is to prepare. Have a list of what you have read, prepare an outline of what you are going to write and have some questions prepared. Be clear about the learning outcomes and if you are unsure make sure you ask.


How do I plan an assignment?
The first thing to do is read! Have you read the set reading? You need to do this to at least have an overview of the subject in question. Make notes as you go. Make sure you note where you have written it down directly from the book or where you have paraphrased so you know how you need to reference it if you use it. Keep a reference list as you go. Then and only then you should start with the learning outcomes and the task. There’ll also be a question to consider probably! Break the question or task down into its parts and consider what you are being asked to do. Consider words like ‘describe’ and ‘critique’ as they require different things. Where you are asked to describe you are simply going to provide an overview or a narrative. Where you are asked to critique you will need to start by explaining one position and offering alternatives, all from academic literature, to show there is more than one opinion. Once you’ve broken down the question consider what you will write and construct a plan. Your plan is probably going to follow the task if the assignment sets one out. Once you’ve created your plan then look at each learning outcome in turn and make sure that there is an element in your plan that covers each learning outcome. If you miss a learning outcome the assignment will not pass so this is a crucial step.


How do I make sure I’m doing what I need to do in assignments?
There are a few things you can do to be sure. Firstly listen in class. Tutors will often guide you to teaching that is relevant to assignments. Then make sure you read the set reading or chapters referenced by the lecturer. Then you need to plan clearly. Make sure your plan addresses the task and the learning outcomes. Make use of tutorials to ensure you are on the right path. Then, stick to your plan. Don’t go off at a tangent and, if the subject matter is emotive or has personal resonance, don’t make it personal. In a sense your view isn’t important. What’s important is that you understand the view, or range of views, in the literature. Penultimately proof read effectively… then proof read it again… then get someone else to proof read it. Then! Go back over the learning outcomes and task and make sure you have absolutely addressed all things!

How much reading is enough!?
Read as much as you can. Then read more. Then read more! You can’t read enough. The reality is that the students that do the best are the students that read the most. Your module guides will direct you as to the key texts but also read around the subject to get different views. Delve into journal articles on your subject matter as this will give you the absolute latest in terms of thinking and research. Use the Internet carefully. Make sure the sources of the information you are using are legitimate and ideally peer reviewed or you risk using sites that have a bias. This is particularly important if you are going to reference it in assignments. Reading widely will improve your vocabulary and therefore your writing.

Working from home: Are you a segmentor or an integrator? It could make a difference.

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When it comes to thinking about working from home the psychology literature would suggest there are broadly two types of people.

Some of us are Segmentors. We prefer to keep work and non-work separate so may struggle with them being in the same place. Segmentors may find it difficult to strike a balance. Sometimes this is to do with work role. So, some of these things are job as well as person specific. Some jobs have weak role boundaries while some maybe can offer more flexibility. Maybe there is significant overlap between personal interests and professional ones. Possibly the job allows for a great deal of autonomous work. These things may make it difficult for some to keep things separate when working and living in the same space. Some jobs have strict role boundaries so may be easier to segment even at home especially if you are a segmentor.

Some people are Integrators. Such people prefer (or are happy to) integrate work and non-work. Alternatively, where a job has weak role boundaries it may be inevitable that the two merge. Integrators might therefore struggle at home with a job that has strong role boundaries and maybe such jobs are less suitable for home working.

My job as an example.
For most of my working days each week I work for a university. This job drifts between days when role boundaries are weak. For example, I may have the opportunity to read a lot, and I often read for pleasure the sort of books I need to read for my job. There is no boundary between the two. I browse the web, take notes, connect ideas, and spend time thinking. I do this for work, and I do this for myself for pleasure. On days like these it can be difficult to see whether a particular activity is work related or not. Some days though I need to deliver lectures and seminars. There are strong role boundaries on those days, and even when I was delivering things from home during the pandemic, I had to be in a certain place at a certain time to do a certain thing with little flexibility. I work freelance some of the week and on those days it’s often difficult across a whole day to see any delineation. I’m definitely a natural integrator which is probably why I love home working but I’m happy to be a segmentor when the tasks of the day require it.

Our well-being when it comes to our whole lives is an interaction between person – role – and environment.

What sort of person are you?
What sort of roles do you have at work and outside of works?
What is the environment like you have to operate in? Does it help or hinder?

Are you a segmentor or an integrator?

Strengths based practice – Verbs and Powerlifting meet social work.

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Verbs

As a solution focused social worker, I am interested in supporting sustainable positive change.

However precisely what activity (in the broadest sense) do we offer as professionals to achieve this. 

To describe our activity we use a set of transitive verbs (a verb that requires a direct object to implement an action) that have barely crawled out of the wishy washy swamp – Support, Refer, Talk, Visit, Advise, Signpost, Engage…………………….

Oh the insipid horror………………………

Our profession is distinct from say teaching that has its own patron saint Bloom of the verb, who passed down from education paradise the demonstrable language of, Analyse, Memorize, Classify, Measure, and Recall (amongst a list of dozens). Teachers plan lessons with activities that achieve Blooms outcomes. For example, if the lesson plan says the learners need to memorise and then recall the formula, that is explicitly what they must do.  In social work our verbs fall short, what does support look like, how can we say X (support, engagement etc) has happened or not, how much variation in practice between workers should we tolerate?  Social workers seem to do far less planning than teachers for their core activities, but then we do far more writing up of outcomes and case notes.

One cynical interpretation here is that we can only justify our roles within chaotic settings with a large dollop of hindsight.  Walk in a room and most of us would recognize when “teaching” was taking place, but I would defy most none professionally qualified to identify a social work session from observing its activity. It would look 90 % similar to the activity of the housing worker, the therapist, the probation worker or the mental health nurse.

Fit for practice, how can  the world of strength training help Social work.

Allow me to introduce the gruff, acerbic Texan Mark Rippertoe or Rip for short.

Rippertoe is an author, gym owner, podcaster, and ex powerlifter. His books offer the definitive guide to barbell or weight training. There are no flabby terms. Each element is articulated precisely and scientifically. For example, his opus work Starting Strength (basic barbell training) takes 66 pages to describe the mechanics of the squat, his empirical approach echoes Betrand Russel’s 360 page effort on showing how 1 + 2 = 3.  Russel and Rippertoe’s approach is to build an encompassing method that rests on precisely defined key terms, which allows for a successive accumulation of confidence for the trainee.

Betrand Russel

Two terms that Rippertoe defines and differentiates (thanks Bloom) are Training and Exercise.   Exercise is the verb that happens when you walk into a gym or lace up your trainers with no plan in mind, no time limit, no body part focus. Exercise’s only goal is to Exercise.

Training is a verb that happens only when it is planned in advance, through progressive overload. Through the performing of effective exercises the athlete gets faster, stronger or more powerful (whichever is their specific and defined target). 

Any improvements that are achieved through exercise (even if performed with significant effort and intensity) will be short lived and will quickly plateau. Most runners are not getting faster most folk in the gym are not getting stronger as they are only exercising.

As social workers our activity is so ill defined, we suffer a risk of “exercising” with our clients due to very little planning, a low willingness to tackle resistance and no forensic measuring of outcomes.  This malaise is linked to repeated referrals, disguised compliance, high levels of staff turnover and a lack of public and professional confidence.  The families we work with will mostly only experience short term change as there has been no depth to the work, no professional triangulation of the issues. Families have been ‘Visited’ and little more.   Being explicit, children or vulnerable adults are not made safe by being ‘Visited’ but by the resultant safeguarding actions, ringing the police, physically removing the risk and asking the revealing question.  This “exercising” offers only a corporate cloak of risk management. Serious case reviews often focus on the bean counting – how many visits? In what time period? They focus less on the modality of the intervention or its efficacy.

Canadian psychiatrist Eric Berne, aka the god father of transactional analysis, offers up the term of “pass-timing” to describe the discussion of activities without any meaningful actions or purpose. Pass-timing can be a meandering discussion of the weather or past events that serves little direction or purpose to either side of a relationship with this shielding them from the experience of true intimacy and honesty. As social workers on visits we must be aware of the proportion of our time we spend going over past events, discussing minor matters, or in idle conversation with the families we help.

As social work practitioners we perhaps have more freedom than any other profession to direct an intervention a certain way. This freedom can lead to “exercising or passtiming” or it can lead to tremendous insights and breakthroughs through creative practice. This creative practice may seem like some ephemeral fire that we can catch just for a brief moment in a session, however it is only available to those who have done the hard yards of learning, being mentored and getting it wrong. Just like an amazing feature of strength (like the picture at the opening of this article) quality social work practice only comes after a series of planned and measurable steps where the complexity and depth increase incrementally.

To sum up, social work activity, just like walking into a gym, will not be productive unless it is planned for. And significant positive results require many ingredients –

Clarity on the activity and its purpose

Access to a mentor (shortcutting mastery)

Some form of measurement (or how can you say progress has been made)

Any pass-timing should be done mindfully and not as a means to avoid the harder more demanding and rewarding actions.

Forming our views; Rishi, social workers, and primates.

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In the caring professions our experiences are the cornerstone of our practice, setting our moral compass and future decision-making processes (heuristics). Despite each individual experience being important our brains are designed to weight and recall some experiences, including our practice ones, more readily than others, such as ones that trigger powerful emotions like fear, disgust, and anger.  Practice ‘stories’ can be filed in our brain inside a red binder with ‘MUST RECALL REGULARY’ in bold marker. Out of a plethora of old cases we may remember only a handful in five to ten years’ time. Put simply, as professionals, we may only use a small proportion of our past experiences to develop a way of working with all future cases – a potentially skewed schema.

To give a simple example let’s say you go fishing off a pier and you know there are only cod and mackerel in the sea. What you don’t know is that cod are ten times more common.  On the first day you catch 4 fish; 3 mackerel and 1 cod, then on the second day only 1 fish – a mackerel. If Captain Birdseye asks you about this fishing spot you will say that there are loads of mackerel and hardly any cod, having no perspective on how rare your catches were. Similarly, we would lambast a scientist for not having a large enough sample size to support their research conclusions, or for not correcting for some statistical selection bias. So, equally, we should ask ourselves, “are we asking ourselves enough questions about how our practice views and how they stack up into a working model?”

It does not take too much of a salmon leap to switch to the Social Work context here.

Let’s say in all your past experiences of working with single fathers in relation to child protection they have all been difficult to engage and show signs of physical abuse. When allocated your next similar case your past experiences will undoubtedly skew your future expectations. The question is, “how many similar cases will it take to cause a permanent belief system switch (conscious or unconscious)?”   

One particularly influential belief system is the one held by our current PM (at time of writing Mr Sunak). His family settled in East Africa from India, with this community becoming an economically dominant force in both Kenya and Uganda. Roughly Asians where 2% of the population but they owned 66% of all the wealth.

When these African countries achieved independence from the British Empire the vast majority of Asians left with many using British passports to come to enter the UK. Sunak’s family did just that with his parents settling in Southampton. His mother was a pharmacist and his father a GP.  Sunak’s parents had three children, one is our prime minister, one is the head of strategy at the UN and the other a psychologist.  Sunak when interviewed always points out that nothing was handed to his family on a plate, but it was all achieved through hard work and sacrifice.

Sunak therefore believes that the government should support and not restrict hard working families as they could achieve outcomes similar to the Sunak’s.  To use the earlier fishing analogy Sunak’s family were successful in catching some of the rarest fish in the ocean. Now their son, the prime minister, hands out rods for others expecting them to do the same.  To illustrate this point, look out for the many stories about children from poor backgrounds getting straight A’s and going to Oxbridge…… You won’t find many. The success stories that there are have the perverse effect of keeping the lid firmly on the social mobility box. A few plucky stories block out the reality that there are a majority of hard-working families who barely make ends meet.

Why could a smart man like Sunak make such an error in assuming his specific experience can be generalized to the entire population. Well, like us Sunak has a brain that is hardwired to hold a finite number of peoples’ tales. This was famously proven by Dunbar’s work on monkeys and group size. His work demonstrated a link between neo cortex size and how many individuals could be in a primate’s social group. The larger the cortex the greater the potential group size. Even though humans have a larger brain than other primates there is still a hard limit to social group size Dunbar’s work suggests. We can only integrate so much social context and so many stories when we function in such a group. Our brains are ultimately finite. Whilst modern critics have latterly ganged up on Dunbar’s work for being statistically flawed, I feel there remains some truth in the general conclusion for us humans and our relationships. The relationship as found below in the graph is made more significant when you consider that the majority of us humans live in highly selective groups – rich alongside rich, or poor alongside poor, older people, young people, or selection around race or sex. In other words, we are limited both by absolute number and by variety. Can social workers hold in mind only a finite number of case stories that are highly likely to have some selection bias in terms of their characteristics?  

Much of what we do as social workers involves hypothesising about situations based, often, on limited information. We start to build a hypothesis at the earliest point of contact. In fact, maybe even before the first physical contact. We maybe start to make assumptions from case recording or referral information. Daniel Kahneman, author of the wonderful ‘Thinking Fast and Slow’, has concluded we have two aspects to our brains. We can let our automatic brain – or ‘System 1’ as he refers to it – run riot, jumping to conclusions! This automatic system is like being on autopilot. This part of our brain likes routine things and easy solutions. It relies, when thinking about people, on stereotypes that have been constructed for us and that we have added to. Ideas that sit in our subconscious mind. He says that we don’t like using ‘System 2’, our ‘deliberate’ brain, because it’s hard work. It takes effort to get this part of our brain going so that we can consciously and logically think things through. So, his idea goes, why would we not use a ready-made ‘model’ from our automatic brain like ‘all fathers in child protection cases are like ‘this’ or ‘that’’.

This can lead to bias in our hypothesising that we might not even spot. Confirmation bias is an operational mode where we select information from that which is available to ‘confirm’ the position we want it to. We form a view early on and then select information that supports that idea. When we fall into this trap gathering more information doesn’t necessarily yield a better decision. In fact, more information means we simply have more to select from to confirm our bias. As practitioners it’s important we consider whether we are relying on archetypes we have constructed from past experiences, or whether we are seeing the reality of the situation as it truly is.

Metal anchor near river on sunny day

We can also become anchored to a first impression – called the Anchoring Effect – which leads to that first impression becoming the only one relevant. Or, we anchor ourselves to a single factor as a root cause and miss others possible causes of the presenting circumstances. A famous experiment conducted by the magazine The Economist on MIT students gave an interesting insight into this. Initially they offered their publication as Web Only at $59 and Print & Web at $125. 68% of people went for web only version and 32% went for the Print + Web option. Wise MIT students! Same information, half the price! They offered their publication again, this time at three rates – Web Only $59, Print Only $125, and Print and Web $125. What happened? Well, no one went for the Print Only option. Why would you when you can have Print and Web for the same price. However! 84% chose the Print and Web option with the rest going for Web Only. This trick apparently is often used in marketing in a range of ways. People were anchored to the Print option thinking they were getting a fabulous deal – Print and Web for the same price as Print. Without this option in play most people went for the sensible Web only option. When we become anchored to a piece of information it exerts undue influence on us and clouds our judgment

With Sunak going to elite universities and Winchester college I wonder how diverse the ‘clan’ of 150 individuals housed in his brain is. How skewed is his idea of how the world operates. Is he anchored to a particular idea born out of his emotional attachments, role models and major life events. Does he have a ‘confirmation bias’ toward things that he will share (to a significant percentage) with the striding elite class who are a tiny majority of the population but constitute the votes Sunak needs to win a General Election in two years’ time.

As social workers we work at the total opposite end of the social mobility scale. We encounter the most disadvantaged and the most vulnerable. Whilst the families we support are a growing proportion of society they still represent a minority. 95% of children do not have involvement from social care.  As social workers do we have two world views? One which is narrow based on possible biases rooted in a ‘professional world’ view and one for the people we come across in day-to-day life where we pause and suspend judgment before deciding anything about them?

The Social Work superhero skill here is reflection.

Reflection is crucial to avoid the bias trap. Critical reflective thinking is essential in relation to each family, service user, or child to avoid falling into automatic thinking. Critical thinking is deliberate thinking. Critical thinking is disciplined thinking. It needs to happen before action so we can identify any potential for bias. Then, in action, so that we don’t seek out only the information to justify a predetermined decision. And finally after action to ensure our decisions are rooted in a solid rationale devoid of bias.

This article was written by George Bull and Stephen J Mordue

George has been a social worker for 10 years working mainly in child protection and Early Help. He has lectured with Jamie Scorer at New College Durham, University of Sunderland and University of Northumbria in solution focused practice.

Stephen J. Mordue Stephen is a lecturer in social work at the University of Sunderland, in the North East of England. He was a social work practitioner for 12 years working on an Older Persons team. His particular areas of interest are communication, how organisations function, and the application of the Mental Capacity Act and Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards. He is passionate about being organised, productivity and self care – ask him about diary management and spreadsheets! 

Difficult Conversations – Dealing with anger

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In the final part of this ‘trilogy’ of difficult conversations articles I want to look at anger. Firstly, it’s worth saying that this may not just be the anger of the other person it may be your sense of anger. That feeling that you are becoming angry. That feeling that you are becoming frustrated. Anger often occurs in accelerating cycles both within an individual and between people. So once one person gets angry both people get angry.

First principle when in doubt get out. Sometimes it’s simply better to end a conversation or move the conversation onto something different before returning to it at a later time.

As Groucho Marx once quipped speak when you’re angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

We become angry when there is someone trying to interfere in the space between us and what we intend to do – someone between us and our peace. When we believe that interference is deliberate the impact is stronger. And I think it’s fairly safe to say that the people we work with consider our interference in their worlds to often be deliberate and unwelcome.

What can you do to stop feeling angry or what can you do to stop the other person feeling angry? This is a good question – because of how quickly we react neurologically when someone displays their anger something has already gone badly wrong. Something is not beginning to escalate something has already escalated.

This shows the reality that anger is an innate capacity. It’s required from an evolutionary point of view for self-protection. So, when we feel threatened, we get angry. Anger signals intent. The person is getting angry to protect themselves

Sometimes it’s a behaviour learned culturally. Some observe growing up that getting angry is something people do when they’re trying to assert themselves. Sometimes becoming angry elevates a person’s status – they are listened to. So, it can be experience driven behaviour – a way to cope. Anger is the manifestation of your own nervous system.

Anger blinds you and derails conversation. Anger limits your ability to remain civil. This emotion limits how you access and process information. Once someone us angry, they are not listening or responding rationally they are responding angrily. It’s almost pointless to continue – we need to build those golden bridges from the second article. This is a way to de-escalate the anger and help the other person not feel as though there backing down in some way – not losing face. The things we’ve already talked about – the relationship that you have – the use of the words we and us – will all help to do this.

Do’s and don’ts

  • don’t meet anger with anger
  • don’t blame – discuss
  • don’t make negative assumptions about the other persons intentions or motivations or the source of their anger
  • do monitor closely yourself and the other person for signs of anger
  • do change the subject
  • do reframe the conversation
  • do pause – take a breath. The goal of pausing in the heat of the moment is to disconnect the automatic link between emotion and action – it serves to slow it down – slow down. When you slow down you calm down
  • do bite your tongue- do not counterattack- particularly important here is keeping control of your facial expressions and body language
  • listen listen listen
  • do not deny the situation is tense. In many circumstances acknowledging the tension or the negative feelings or the frustrations is helpful. Denying these things is seldom helpful
  • after a tense moment do try to make an empathy statement. This helps foster deeper connexion. For example – I hear you – this must be hard
  • ultimately make your safety a priority – walk away if you have to

When you think about anger think not only about the other persons but also yours

This is the third in a series of 3 articles

The others are at the links below

Difficult Conversations – some initial thoughts

Difficult Conversations – Advanced Skills

Anger | NottAlone

Difficult Conversations – Advanced Skills

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In the previous article we considered some initial thoughts about what to bear in mind when approaching a difficult conversation. Always be mindful as I said that good relationships are the foundation of what we’re trying to do. These good relationships, these meaningful relationships hinge on factors like dependability, kindness, honesty, empathy, authenticity, and the apparent obvious valuing of the relationship.

So firstly, simply offering a listening ear I feel is an advanced skill. Because often when we’re busy we forget how to sit quietly and simply listen. Doing this gives the opportunity for people to share their words and their feelings and it develops trust. And here is the first thing to think of. If the person says something you don’t understand or flies in the face of the logical progression in your head place that lack of understanding on yourself. So, phrases here to use would be things like, “can you explain that a little further to me”,  “I want to be able to understand clearly what it is that you’re telling me”. And let the person talk again while you listen.

What we’re trying to do here is what Boghossian and Lindsay call, in their book “How To Have Impossible Conversations”, building golden bridges. The first part of building a golden bridge is to understand what the other person is saying. Secondly, if this is the case, gently point out discrepancies in what they might be seeing. Get them to think about those discrepancies and articulate them to you in the way that they want to. A golden bridge offers them the opportunity to change what they’re saying, on reflection, without being socially embarrassed by what they have said. I’m sure you’re aware that people engage better with decisions when they feel as though it is them who have made the decision. This is where your effective communication, counselling, and negotiation skills are essential. More on negotiation here. What we’re doing here is trying to head off the conflict before the conflict emerges even when the conversation is difficult. Remember people don’t knowingly desire bad things. People don’t knowingly desire to make decisions that compromise themselves or others. They genuinely think – for whatever reason – they are making a good decision.

Collaborative language

What we’re trying to establish with these advanced skills is that we are in this together within the interaction that is taking place. And the application of this technique is quite simple to describe but often quite difficult to implement.

Start by using the words ‘we’ and ‘us’.

Weinstein and Deutschberger two sociologists said that we is one of the most seductive of English words. Its inclusion in what you say forms a relationship structured in terms of mutuality and interdependence. So, try to replace ‘you’ or ‘I’ with ‘we’.

Also, in the same vein the use of the word ‘us’ is important. “it would be great for us if we could figure out how to move forward on this issue”. “How can we see if that will work”. “How can we give that a go so everybody is safe”.

This next idea also relies on really listening but also on restating the other persons position as well or better than they did.

You should do this before you openly disagree with anything. What this does, at the very least, is show the person that they have been heard, that their voice is important, and that you have accurately heard what they had to say. It also gives them a chance to correct you if that is required. Inevitably you may need to propose a different plan but if they know they’ve been heard they may be more receptive to listening to the alternative.

Taking this approach eliminates the ‘yes but’ statement. When you disagree with something someone has said it’s quite easy to fall into the ‘yes but’ trap. ‘Yes but’ encourages anger and I think it’s worth noting at this point that when someone states a position, they are often stating that position in good faith because for whatever reason, in their position, from their subjective perspective, they think that’s the best thing they can do.

Now they might think that’s the best thing to do because it’s easy or because it doesn’t challenge their world. Or maybe it gets you off their back, but they will authentically think that that’s the best thing to do for them in this moment. Why might that be so?

One of the problems may be cognitive bandwidth. People who have problematic lives, who were often living in poverty, who are often not heard have limited ‘bandwidth’ to consider future options and tend to live in the short term. If their concern in the short-term is to pay the rent or put food on the table, they may not have the cognitive ‘space’ to consider future options. So, if a solution appears to work to them in the short term, or it maintains the life they have so that they are not challenged to change, then they will genuinely believe that that is the best thing to do. When people don’t have a great deal of cognitive bandwidth it’s doubly hard for them to engage in change related tasks. Just imagine for yourself when you are trying to facilitate a change – think of something basic like maybe losing weight or getting fit – if that was the only thing you had to do – if that was the only thing you had to worry about you might be able to give it a good go – you might even start well – but once you have a rough day at the office, or an argument with your partner, or an invite out for a Friday night, how easily the momentum to make the change disappears. And the people we often work with have many many challenges in their lives – you being there maybe being one of them

Rapaport’s rules

Rappoport was a Russian born American game theorist who contemplated a list of rules for offering disagreement or criticism in conversations and we can learn a little something from what he had to say.

Here are his rules….

Rule #1 – expressing the persons position shows that you have made a sincere attempt to understand their position.

Rule #2 – shows that you actually have things in common in relation to the issue despite maybe coming to different conclusions.

Rule 3 – demonstrates mutual learning and respect by showing the person that what they said was informative and valuable. This gets called in a lot of the literature pro social modelling. You are behaving in the way that you want the other person to behave.

So, build Golden Bridges – give people a way out or they may become entrenched in a position even if you’ve convinced them otherwise

Use ‘We’ and ‘Us’ to engender a spirit of ‘in it together’.

Be aware that people in difficult circumstances may have limited cognitive ‘bandwidth’ to consider future options

Apply Rapaport’s rules

This is the second of 3 articles in this series

The others are here

Difficult Conversations – Some initial thoughts

Difficult Conversations – Dealing with anger

Difficult Conversations – some initial thoughts

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When it comes to conversations in Social Work practice, particularly difficult ones, we have to start with the question “What are we trying to achieve?” What is the problem we are trying to overcome? Often, I’d suggest, it’s the (almost) impossible. We are trying to have enlightening, helpful conversations, often with difficult messages to deliver, with people who may be in denial about their world and the world out there. In this environment we’re meant to try and do this without aggravating anyone! Without making the conversation difficult and challenging.

So, let’s start by cutting ourselves some slack and acknowledging that sometimes when things go wrong there’s often not a lot we could have done. As I say frequently, the Stoic Philosophers say we can’t control everything so we shouldn’t set our happiness and our view of how well we did on such things. But we must try to predict as much as we can… because conflict – and difficult conversations – are stress inducing – for us and for the other people involved. Best avoided if possible. If not avoidable then managed well.

And it’s not just with service users, parents, or children. It’s sometimes with other professionals and sometimes with our own colleagues in our own teams.

We are involved in deliberate conversations. We need to involve ourselves in listening – but when tense maybe we don’t listen effectively.

Why is Rumi the best-selling poet in the US? - BBC Culture

There is a way between voice and presence

where information flows.

In disciplined silence it opens.

With wandering talk it closes.

RUMI (13th-century Persian poet)

What’s going on when we are involved in dialogue, conflict, and difficulty? What are the underpinning things that help us avoid this in the first place or navigate through it? Because while the best form of defence is to avoid the conflict in the first place, we have to acknowledge that conflict is, at some point, inevitable.

Some things to bear in mind

Aristotle's Contributions in Mathematics – StudiousGuy

There’s always a philosopher, often Greek, that we can turn to and in this instance, I turn to Aristotle’s ‘Modes of Persuasion’. Often in our conversations we are trying to persuade – or at least put forward a position that we want the other person to consider – and Aristotle says there are three crucial things to engage…. Ethos, Pathos and Logos

Ethos

Ethos – your ethics. The question here in the mind of the other person is can you be trusted.  The starting point for the individual might be that you can’t be. The reality is that difficult conversations are easier when there is a relationship of trust there. You need to start by building that relationship. It sounds obvious really but in busy practice may be difficult and may not get the attention it deserves.

Trust isn’t about liking each other or what each other is saying it’s about a functional relationship that permits disagreement or conflicting opinion. It also needs to allow, particularly for Social Workers, given the perceived (if not real) position of power we often find ourselves in – balance. Balance of power

A social contract is established in the very early parts of an interaction based on previous knowledge of each other if we have it, or ideas about each other if we don’t have specific knowledge. If you don’t have a relationship with the person, you are likely to be having the relationship the previous Social Worker had. You need to ask, ‘What’s your relationship like with the person – where are you at with them?’ ‘What’s the relationship of the person with social work?’ Overcoming any obstacles that this places in our way by how we communicate is the cornerstone, I’d argue, of social work practice. There is nothing more important. So whatever we discover in thinking about those two questions demands we do something about it – at least have an awareness

Listening is crucial. Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care – so the famous saying goes. Build rapport. Assume the other person will be nervous or apprehensive about you being there. Having a ‘professional’ involved in your life brings up all sorts of fears and tensions – don’t add to them. Being honest about difficult things is important – but we need to think about how we frame what we have to say.

Pathos

Pathos is the emotional content of any conversation or relationship we find ourselves in. There is always an emotional content to what we do. Emotional Intelligence is key. We must exhibit emotional control. It’s our responsibility to do so and not expect the same in return. We must manage the emotions of others and that starts with managing our own.

Managing our emotions successfully stifle’s impulsiveness – so it mediates our response – and helps us perform effectively. Recognising emotions in others and knowing how to manage them is a fundamental skill. The problem with this skill is it’s usually forged in the ‘heat of the fire’ rather than been thought about and reflected on before action and after action. What is going to trigger the persons emotions? What emotion? What will I do about it to avoid it or manage it?

Never forget emotions are contagious and easily escalate.

Logos

Finally, Logos – Logic. What we are saying needs to be logical. We need to engage our thinking brain. This relies on us managing our emotional brain (see above!). We need to articulate this logic in a way that the other person can understand. Think clearly before, and during, and after the conversation. Empathise. Persuade. Any conversation is two people in a dialogue trying to find the truth – an agreed truth. A logical truth. Only then can things move forward.

The conversation must connect to how people understand things. We must find the other persons understanding of the thing, know ours, and connect the two. Often when you do this you find people are more ‘movable’ (as you’ve acknowledged their truth) and the ‘truths’ are not as far apart as they appear. There will be some commonality.

Often when we are discussing ‘truths’ like this in practice we need to keep people talking (and we need to keep reflecting) because then we can Develop Discrepancies (there’s or ours).

Developing discrepancies (a feature of motivational interviewing – read about it here) creates a gap between where the person has been (or currently is) and where they want to be. We can use The Columbo Method here. It’s a simple yet clever and cunning way to handle a potential contradiction in what you are being told. Remember the television show Columbo, starring Peter Falk? The fictional Columbo was a detective who solved murder mysteries – hugely popular in the 1970’s. He was a humble and unassuming character who had the ability to get anyone to tell him anything, despite their initial resistance – very disarming. When someone said something to Columbo that was conflicting or inconsistent, he would rub his head and say, “I noticed yesterday you said one thing, and now you are saying something else. I’m confused.” He would say things like, “Could you clarify this?” or “Help me understand.” Columbo did not accuse those he was questioning. By taking the responsibility for his confusion, he disarmed the other person — who then would slowly feel comfortable telling him the things he needed to know to solve the crime. The Columbo Method is to present the facts that appear to conflict, give the person the benefit of the doubt, and then ask questions for clarification. We need to look in this ‘mirror’ ourselves as well. Are we making assumptions that contradict what we are trying to achieve or that are at odds with our professional values.

Ethos – Pathos – Logos

Ethics – Emotions – Logic

Real discussion creates understanding rather than division.

This is the first of 3 articles in this series

The others are at these links

Difficult Conversations – Advanced Skills

Difficult Conversations – Dealing with anger